break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize