I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She's the barista slut.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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