it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize