just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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