He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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