My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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