woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize