its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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