Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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