I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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