he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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