Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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