No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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