A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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