just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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