I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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