I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize