There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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