On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize