I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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