Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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