I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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