I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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