I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize