Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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