You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize