he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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