sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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