Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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