Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dick very happy bro
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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