i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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