I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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