we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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