I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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