I just cut my nipple shaving
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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