it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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