Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize