his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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