I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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