youre lurking in front of me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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