You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
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a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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