Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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