If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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