It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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