There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize