I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
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Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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