I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize