Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
my poor anus
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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