There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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