Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize